17 of the most overused phrases in blog land

Rant count down in 5. 4. 3 ….

Then came the blog

1. Twenty something

Yes you are somewhere in your twenties and don’t want to give your exact age because of the internet being stalker city, but be creative here. How about infant-adult, selfie generation, or ‘I can’t afford a house because of you fucking baby boomers’ age.

2. Lucky enough to

Screw this. As a blogger you are a commodity, you write (mostly for free because you want to) take pictures and sell your blog on social. So why the hell are you ‘lucky’ to be invited to an event or given a sample of something? If you weren’t a blogger and had no presence on the internet I would say you are lucky, but since you are its all your damn hard work and dedication that got you there.

3. SEO

This is just a conspiracy made up by bloggers who have been on the internet since MySpace was popular. When your blog is big enough they will show you the secret handshake and oh how you will laugh at the silly newbie bloggers attending SEO workshops as you drink gin based cocktail in a rooftop bar.

4. It will be great ‘exposure’ for you blog

Yeah this is the internet equivalent to a skeezy old man telling a 15 year old that she has what it takes to be a model. If the brand wants to pay you, fine. If you get some awesome product or experience out of it, fine. But exposure? Bullshit, you are just a component of a marketing campaign that is not costing them anything but that is costing you time and energy for a brand you don’t even like.

5. Wifi

A mythical kingdom that you will sometimes be given an overcomplicated password to. The password only works half the time, and when it does the signal is so bad you can’t send a tweet. But hey, thank god bloggers don’t really need a good internet connection to do what we do.

6. ‘All opinions are my own’

Sorry team, if you get something for free it influences your opinion. Weather it is wanting to work with the PR again, the fact they were extra nice because they knew you were a blogger, or just that if it’s free pretty much anything seems awesome. Good that you are disclosing (a curse on all the houses of bloggers who don’t) but don’t for a second think that you are un-biased.

7. Amazing/Brilliant/Stunning/Lovely/So Yummy

Oh hot damn I’ve shot myself in the foot with this one. But what other adjectives are out there? And to be fair that stunningly amazing coffee was just brilliantly lovely and so so yummy. DON’T JUDGE ME.

8. Blurred photos

Ok so this one is not really a phrase but who in the hell puts a blurred photo up on their blog? Your blog is your portfolio regardless of what you do in the real world. I once overheard a fashion blogger say ‘always dress as if you might bump in to Ryan Gosling at any moment’; same goes for your blog photos, only post the ones you want Ryan to have a gander at. Or something like that, I might have missed the point.

9. Follow me on Bloglovin

Can we all just accept the fact that it is mostly bloggers and the parents of bloggers that use Bloglovin? If I love your blog and find myself googling you daily like the true stalker that I am then I will follow you. The only result a begging tweet has is to make my finger work a little harder as I scroll past it.

10. ‘Top Secret’ or ‘Hidden’

If that gem of a place you just discovered is on the front page on Google then sorry but it’s not Top Secret or hidden…you are just oblivious.

11. Sorry

Oh you know I love a bad blogger, I live for bad bloggers, tweet me tales of your bad blogging and I will buy you a drink.

12. Haul

Awesome so you either spent a lot of money or sweet talked a PR, back in the day showing off like that would have been seen as bad taste. But please if you are going to do a haul please don’t lie about how good the products are, and by all that is holy please take a composed and pretty picture of the sodding thing.

13. Lifestyle

What the ten bells of hell does lifestyle even mean? “The way in which a person lives” yes I know that, but for a fashion blogger they live and breathe fashion so why the hell are they not a lifestyle blogger? I straddle way too many blog cliques to make anyone comfortable, so I will just continue to eat my lunch in the bathroom.

14. ‘Provided for review purposes’

Totally fine occasionally, seriously bad if on every post. How the kittens is the reader going to actually trust what you say if we don’t know what you choose to spend you’re hard earned cash on? At the very least imagine that you went to a shop and purchased it and add the justification of spending a weeks’ worth of lunches on a crappy neon lipstick.

15. Finding your niche

I got told by a PR the other week that my blog was not niche enough. I write about me…that’s one a one in six billion topic. How is that not fucking niche enough? Write what you want to write and if you fall into a niche then raise the flag and have a shot of tequila, bully for you.

16. ‘How to start a blog’ posts

Just start writing stuff on the internet and you are in the club. Show me a blogger that didn’t make some really valuable mistakes along the way and I will show you a liar.

17. ‘I’ve been nominated for…’

Can we all just be honest here and blog awards fall into three categories: publicity campaigns, chain letters and genuine awards. The publicity campaigns are the ones where a company ah la Low Cost Holidays have cottoned on to a brilliant way to get bloggers to tweet their name for very little cost. The chain letters are where bloggers nominate others and you answer questions, nice in theory (I love a good chit chat) but can we please not call them awards? And lastly we get the actual awards like the Cosmopolitan Blog awards, which to be honest after all the bad language in this post I think I have disqualified myself forever. Can someone pass the gin?

 

I wasn’t joking about the gin.

29 Comments

  1. February 6, 2015 / 7:14 pm

    Hah! I love these. Every time I see a bio start off with “twenty-something” or “twenty-something gal trying to find my way in this crazy world”, I can’t help but roll my eyes. I have to say I definitely think a bit more these days about what adjectives to use than I used to! It is too easy to get trapped in that lovely/amazing/stunning loop.

  2. February 6, 2015 / 7:18 pm

    This post is perfect. I don’t have a niche, but I think I am gonna have a shot of tequila tonight anyway!

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 6, 2015 / 11:24 pm

      I SUPPORT YOUR LIFE CHOICE

  3. February 7, 2015 / 5:29 am

    As a twenty something,blogger who is lucky to be here, I believe that having good SEO will create great exposure for your blog…
    But seriously, I think I read at least one of these phases in most blogs I seem to read and are always repeated

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 17, 2015 / 1:18 pm

      Its a funny one, because you don’t really notice until you read a lot of posts in one sitting…and then all of a sudden its the MOST ANNOYING THING IN THE WORLD

  4. February 7, 2015 / 10:54 am

    Niches are overrated. My niche is “trying not to bore the fuck out of everyone and failing spectacularly”. (Am I allowed to use the word spectacular?). Seriously, who the hell was that PR and what was their problem? Did you even ask for that opinion?

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 17, 2015 / 1:17 pm

      Hahahaha that made me spit coffee across my desk. Can I join your niche?

      • February 18, 2015 / 4:48 pm

        Yes, of course. It’s a very welcoming niche. Filled with vagabonds, lost hopes and dreams and peppermint candy.

  5. February 7, 2015 / 1:36 pm

    Blurred photos in blog posts are my biggest pet peeve! I guess maybe people feel that they have to include them if they are reviewing something but it just looks terrible. It’s probably the one thing that bugs me more than bloggers who only ever post reviews for things they were given for free.

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 17, 2015 / 1:17 pm

      There has to be some pretty extreme reason before I put a blurred photo on my blog…I would prefer no-photo to blurry!

  6. Susanne
    February 7, 2015 / 2:07 pm

    I love this post! What about those “about me” widgets: “Word. Word. Word. Word”. Usually there’s always coffee, travels and books involved. Because that sounds so social and sympathetic. (Nothing bad about coffee now) There are so many clichés in the blog world. I get crazy over that niche thing. You don’t need one. Period.

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 17, 2015 / 1:16 pm

      Oh so true, and I’m guilty about most of them!!! It dosent help that bloggers all have very similar obsessions.

  7. February 8, 2015 / 7:15 pm

    Amazingly brilliant and lovely post 😉 I agree about the awards, I always feel a bit churlish if I don’t acknowledge them so now I just amalagamate them into one post rather than writing a new one about them

    Suze | LuxuryColumnist

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 17, 2015 / 1:15 pm

      I know right? I feel flattered but also I don’t really want to prolong the chain letter style. #firstworldproblems

  8. Kat
    February 8, 2015 / 9:32 pm

    Oh my god – blogger red face of shame here!!! I feel like you’ve gone through my blog and picked out every fault in it… YUMMY! DELICIOUS! DIVINE! Here’s that stunning flat white which I was provided for review purposes but all thoughts are my own of course!” Yet I’m sitting here nodding away like “yah girl, you are so right and know your stuff, ah ha ah ha…”

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 17, 2015 / 1:12 pm

      I swear if I created a blogger swear jar online for those words it would be a brilliant way to raise money for charity.

  9. February 9, 2015 / 11:19 am

    Laughed so hard, especially picturing you actually saying all of this in a conversation. I’m so guilty of putting blurred photos on when I especially love the photo but was just crap at taking it haha.

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 17, 2015 / 1:10 pm

      I blame too much gin almost entierly for this post..

  10. February 9, 2015 / 2:17 pm

    Haha, you crack me up. But yes, I agree with almost all of these. Especially ‘haul’. Why I hate that so much, I’ll never know but it just really grinds my gears!

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 17, 2015 / 1:09 pm

      Its something about the word…its the blogging equivalent to moist.

  11. Kara
    February 9, 2015 / 3:11 pm

    You speak the truth.

    That is all.

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 17, 2015 / 1:08 pm

      Can I put that on my CV? Or on a t-shirt?

  12. February 12, 2015 / 8:46 pm

    hahaha oh boy so true! I’m definitely guilty of most of these – especially the blurry photos one, oh gosh I am! Especially in the quick lifestyle ‘update’ posts!

    • runawaykiwi@gmail.com
      February 17, 2015 / 1:05 pm

      Put some text over it and it make it look deliberate like an out of focus background!

  13. March 17, 2015 / 10:04 am

    I laughed straight through this, then laughed some more at the comments. You guys are ON it! One request: Can we please add the word MASSIVE to that list? As in, “These SEO techniques will bring MASSIVE traffic to your blog” And yes, I always hear it in ALL CAPS in my head, even when it’s written in lc. Poor thing. It used to be a perfectly good word. Now I gag every time I see it.

  14. July 18, 2015 / 12:35 am

    This post made me smile, nod, giggle, blush and shake my head in disagreement. Love your sense of humour and frank approach (says the total fence-sitting peace-keeper over here!) I may be old enough to be your much older, cool aunty but I am learning so much from stalking your old posts 🙂