So you’ve decided to move to London…oh fuck.

So youve decided to move to London oh fuck

Ok first things first, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy rules apply so DONT PANIC and bring a towel. Actually forget bringing a towel they are quite reasonably priced in the UK, so just focus on the not panicking side of things. I receive loads of emails from people who have just booked that expensive plane ticket and then had a massive OH FUCKNUCKLES WHAT HAVE I DONE moment or two, so here is my advice.

Ignore that person who told you that their OE was the best/worst time of their lives and they spent all their time travelling/drinking/working/fucking and you will to. Yeah nah. You can do London however the rainbow sparkling fuck you want to. Travel every weekend? Cool. Work all the time and advance your career? Cool. Find the love of your life and spend all your time ‘watching DVDs’. Cool. Don’t carry someone else’s expectations on your shoulder like a demented devil and angel with a kiwi accent. I say this because it is hard enough living up to your own expectations without feeling like you are failing at someone else’s.

While we’re at it lets review your expectations. If you are university educated and at a certain point in your career you will get a well paying job over here – you won’t be rich but you will be on the same living standard you were at home. If you are coming over here wanting to temp in an office or work in a bar you will not be able to have it all. By the way, London’s definition of having it all is a nice flat near public transport, brunch every weekend, roof top bars every night, flat whites on tap and travel whenever you want. Don’t worry you will have some of it, but you will have to prioritise.

Its all going to be OK

Life in London is like life at home, just because you are on the other side of the world doesn’t take out the boring/hard/scary/awkward/sad bits.

More expectations. Yes winter will be bad but not that bad, it’s the getting dark at 3:30pm that is the hard bit to handle. But then London makes up for it with summer days stretching out till 10pm – swings and roundabouts and all that. Remember its London not Game of Thrones; as long as you have a scarf, a puffer jacket and are not sleeping with your siblings you will be fine.

Yes London is expensive but that’s mostly because you are seeing tourist stuff, you would burn through some serious cash in Auckland if you lived like a tourist. And you can live in London very cheaply, although living cheaply might just make you question why the hell you are living on the other side of the world if you can’t afford to see anything except the mold covered walls of your zone 3 flat. Sorry negative I know, but you can rely on me to drop those truth bombs. When you leave that moldy flat and venture into the city, you will walk by St Pauls/Tower Bridge/Houses of Parliament and it will all seem totally worth it.

When in London just drink gin

And talking bombs yes terrorism is a thing and yes it is terrifying. When you first take the tube your heart will end up in your throat at every random stop in a black tunnel and anyone getting on carrying a backpack. But then you just get used to it. Commuting does bring that chance that you will be left maimed/dead by the latest terrorism group de jour, but the tube sure is convenient.

You will say ‘pants’ in the wrong context. It will be funny. People will laugh.

Which leads me on to safety. Whichever demented fuck-trumpet told you London wasn’t safe for girls please punch them directly in the left tit/testicle before you fly. London is a big city with a lot of people in it, and no you can’t be an idiot and walk around oblivious but if you follow the same rules you would at home you will be fine. In general: make sure drunk friends get home safely, if you are walking alone at night don’t listen to your iPod, if you are meeting someone from the internet do it in a public place, and don’t have a handbag that people can just reach in and grab stuff.

You will develop a weirdly strong link to kiwi things like onion dip, even if you didn’t like it before.

You will make friends, just know that it will be hard and they won’t just land out of thin air unless there has been some sort of mega tragic skydiving accident. You will feel like a dork, and wonder what is wrong with you but it will work out in the end. DONT FEEL BAD IF YOU ONLY MAKE FRIENDS WITH KIWIS. Realistically kiwis you meet over here are actively scouting for new friends so it just makes sense. Your definition of friend will change too, from someone you can pour your heart out with, to someone who will meet you for a drink on a Wednesday evening. It’s fine, just different to home. On the flip side you can meet some of the most soul matey friendship sparkles and kittens people here too. It’s down to luck and how much free time you have to stalk them.

Tired of London Tired of Life FUCK THAT

When you have a bad day some ass-hat will tell you ‘when you are tired of London you are tired of life’, don’t worry they just don’t have the imagination or empathy know what to say in the face of your homesickness – disliking London for a bit is just like hating Taylor Swift after hearing Blank Space for the 500th time; just a temporary malaise towards a thing and not a statement on your normal mental health or love of T-Swizzle.

You will get lost, you will figure it out. And once you think you’ve got it all figured out you will get on the wrong tube. But it’s ok because you know how to get back to where you started.

Going back to DONT PANIC. You will panic. But that is ok because you will then book something/call someone/buy something/see something and stop panicking. And every time you get over something that made you panic, it’s just proof for next time that you will survive it and keep going forward.

You will compare yourself to others who have moved to London, and you will feel a bit inferior. As a rule, the two year visa people travel more but the five year and passport people do more cool/expensive stuff in London. It’s all good, as long as you are content try not to worry about it too much.

I use the word content rather than happy because the last truth is that London will be an adventure, and you will grow as a person and get some cool stories and maybe a tattoo but moving to London is not the key to happiness. It’s not a silver bullet or bulb of garlic for every bad thing in your life. It is however a very awesome city with a lot going on, with opportunities everywhere, a chance for creativity for love and travel. A place where YOU CAN FIND REALLY GOOD COFFEE and a place where you can be yourself or failing that figure out exactly who yourself is.

So DONT PANIC. Move to London. Enjoy it.

And if you get stuck/freaked out/desperate for coffee feel free to tweet me @runawaykiwi

She’ll be right mate.

 

For more practical London tips, check out my ultimate London survival guide:

How to survive London

27 Comments

  1. Kate
    June 9, 2015 / 9:27 pm

    love this! It is so well written and honest. I wish I had read this before I moved here!

  2. Mare
    June 9, 2015 / 9:44 pm

    Awesome article! Really summed the moving London experience well! Been here two months and the amount of times I have been lost/got on the wrong tube is crazy, I ended up finding a pub and grabbing a beer, well I try to work out where to go.

  3. Rz
    June 9, 2015 / 10:12 pm

    This is so on the money it is perfect. Fucking trousers.

  4. June 9, 2015 / 10:24 pm

    This is so great and had me laughing! Makes me want to move back to London and do it all over again.

  5. Alice
    June 9, 2015 / 10:52 pm

    have a one way ticket but unsure if London is the destination or super yachting just yet. This has made me want to try London though, I won’t go back home until it’s been done! 42 days!

  6. June 10, 2015 / 8:15 am

    Brilliant post! As a Londonder I totally agree, especially the staying safe by being sensible part, just like you would wherever you’re from. Thanks for reminding me what a great city I live in, and giving me something to giggle at on my commute 🙂

  7. June 10, 2015 / 8:29 am

    Thanks, it’s great to read something so honest. I’d like to move to London next year, but recently have been thinking of moving somewhere like Edinburgh instead.

  8. Jessie
    June 10, 2015 / 9:11 am

    Such a good post, made me laugh a lot and can relate to so much of this.

  9. June 10, 2015 / 4:14 pm

    Great post! I just moved to London a few weeks ago and this was all very true!

  10. Max
    June 10, 2015 / 9:06 pm

    Haha, loved the article! I agree that moving to London and from London is not for anyone out there. This is a bit off-topic but when moving day approaches do you have any tips? Like what should you take, who should you warn? I used the moving house change of address checklist by Van Squad when I was moving and I was really happy.

  11. June 11, 2015 / 12:21 am

    Loved this! I feel absolutely prepared should I ever move to London 🙂

  12. June 11, 2015 / 4:08 pm

    Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant! Could not have put it better myself, swearing and all!

  13. June 13, 2015 / 12:59 am

    Loved this! Made me want to move back to London after a year back home!

  14. Anna
    June 17, 2015 / 11:54 pm

    The rare experience of laughing out loud when reading a blog post reminded me that blogs are totes still worth reading. Fucking excellent post with lots of bloody good swearing too.

  15. Emma
    June 18, 2015 / 2:53 am

    Thank you for this post! I really needed it. One month to go and I’ll be there.

  16. July 8, 2015 / 7:59 pm

    I love your posts. They Taylor Swift comment killed me- and I can say as a Northerner that this post 99% applies to people moving from within the UK to London (not the onion dip part- what even?) xx

    farrah | hellofarrah.com

  17. August 10, 2015 / 12:03 pm

    Do you have any up to date information about getting work in London. My field is administration and have heard very mixed reports about finding work. From it will take you 3 months to find work. I really don’t want to get over there and be unemployed for months as I don’t have any hospitality experience. I already have emailed temp agencies sent through my resume and haven’t been given any useful information.

    • Melinda
      October 7, 2015 / 9:17 pm

      Hi Carole, have you had any luck in the field of administration? I too am in the same field and plan to move soon.

  18. Joy
    November 29, 2015 / 8:54 pm

    Thank you for the article. I’m considering relocating to London to attend a film school and pursue my writing career. Any advice on areas to live in that are inexpensive. The school is located Ealing Studios, Ealing Green W5 5EP. Thank you.

  19. Amanda
    January 18, 2016 / 8:29 pm

    Yes. Just yes to all of this!!

  20. April 23, 2016 / 12:25 pm

    Thank you for this! You can’t imagine how these words came in handy today. I’m sorting out my stuff to move to London in a few weeks! There are days when I am freeking out… I’ve been a temporary expat for a few months in other European countries but now I’m actually moving to the UK! I’ve wanted this since I was a teenager and now it’s just so weird that I’m preparing to go. You know what goes through our minds… All the doubts. I am the ‘just do it’ kind of girl but I’m also human so fear sometimes gets to me. So yes, really happy to have read this today.
    Carolina
    In Lisbon on my way to London…

  21. Madeleine
    April 23, 2016 / 9:27 pm

    any recommendations on how to find a job in London? I am graduating from college and really want to move over there. If anyone has any information let me know please!

  22. November 5, 2016 / 1:34 pm

    This post made me feel better with London even though I lived in there 4 months before ! I will relocate with my hubby to London for 5 years in December .There are loads of things to do!Since I have got several friends in London , I am open to make friendships. Feel free to go out for a coffee to spend time together!

    Dear Madeleine ;

    Actually I will be looking for a job in London in two months .I can let you know and we can share our experiences via email or Facebook.

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