New Zealand and the UK are at war

Adore and Endure

As part of this months ‘Travel contrasts’ linkup with Emma, Kelly and our lovely guest host Zoe I was going to write a quite emotional post. It was going to be about how I truly am a different person after three and a half years of living in London but then something happened, something big. I am in the painful process of moving flats and was discussing at work how the new flat only had a washing machine, no dryer. Stick with me here.

I was postulating that it will be annoying to dry my sheets and it might take a while in a basement flat in winter. Then it happened. Global political relations crumbled and Queen Victoria rolled over in her grave as my colleague asked “what do you mean sheets?” (Emphasis on the plural).

Queue my very confused face and me saying “two sheets, you know the top and the bottom one”. This moment was as close to winning The Voice as I will ever come as four colleagues with their backs to me turned on their swivel chairs and exclaimed almost in unison “TWO SHEETS??!!”.

We booked a meeting and got a flip chart so we could really knuckle out what the hell had gone wrong in the UK/NZ relations.

So…New Zealanders in general use two sheets, one is fitted and goes on the mattress and the other is a flat sheet that goes underneath the duvet – when you buy sheets they come in a set with both elements included. You then sleep between the two sheets which means because you are not getting your sweaty self on the duvet every night you don’t have to wash the duvet as often. And yes you still have to wash the top sheet but it is quicker to dry than a duvet cover and you don’t have to go through the hell of putting the duvet back in the cover. HELL.

Brits however are just mental patients who have the bottom fitted sheet but then free ball it by sleeping in direct contact with the duvet. Inefficient both in terms of washing time and also in the summer months where they miss out on the joy of choosing at three am that you are little too hot with the duvet and just going sheet only. Love.

You would think it is the big contrasts that would cause the most outrage, but this sheet issue almost came to blows within five minutes. And then did come to blows after ten.

With defectors on both sides and threats of destroyed relationships and sectioning we decided to just shake hands and walk away. Me to my snuggly suitable to all weather low maintenance looks great bed, and them to the manky duvet only lifeless fun pits.

#politics

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19 Comments

  1. August 2, 2015 / 12:20 pm

    This is hilarious! As a bonafide Brit, who’s loved sleeping under that second sheet from time to time around the world (yet in England stoically remains solely under the duvet cover and sticks out a leg in the summer months), I can completely understand your pain. Here’s hoping the UK/NZ relations are back on form now…

  2. August 2, 2015 / 1:02 pm

    2 sheets, 2 sheets, 2 sheets! Barbarians the lot of them! (Luckily my other half embraces the Kiwi way of life!)

  3. August 2, 2015 / 2:04 pm

    2 sheets – you know that I always sleep on top of both when I find this in a hotel, otherwise I get all in a tangle and it reminds me of being in a sleeping bag!

  4. August 2, 2015 / 5:26 pm

    The standard American way is two sheets but my mother always hated that and it was one thing my grandmother would always mention to me when I would spend the night how she made the bed the proper way! In Sweden get this they do not even have fitted bottom sheets they are all just flat which means I have been bringing all my sheets from California for the last four years!!

  5. August 2, 2015 / 6:47 pm

    I’m a Brit who grew up with 2 sheets! I’m willing to act as Peace Envoy should the need arise.

  6. August 2, 2015 / 9:33 pm

    hahahaha omg this is hilarious – but actually disturbing too. Eww the thought of sleeping without that second sheet is so gross and unhygienic… ugh yuck!

  7. August 2, 2015 / 9:37 pm

    Maybe it’s a Northern thing as both of my grandparents in Manchester do the double sheet thing.

    I’ll tell you something that does bother me between NZ/UK relations, petrol stations!! In NZ, the person comes out, pumps your gas, cleans your window and helps you out. UK, no person basically anywhere, no where to clean your windowscreen (I literally went in to ask to make sure I wasn’t missing anything and he said I could use loo paper from the bathroom….) and they have useless pumps which dont have the little switch on so you have to hold it and guess the amount.

    I’ve been having a lot of angst about petrol stations lately, obviously!!! /rant x

  8. August 2, 2015 / 10:02 pm

    We actually normally have two sheets on the bed, but rarely sleep under it in the winter, but so nice in the summer because I can’t sleep without some sort of blankety thing on me. The Brit that shares the bed with me hates sheets in all forms, tangled messes he says.

  9. August 3, 2015 / 8:02 pm

    Ah, yes, the U.S. and New Zealand are allies on this one. When I moved to Switzerland from Washington DC, I was beside myself when I realized that sheets aren’t sold in sets on the Continent. A family member came to my rescue by sending me a fitted and top sheet.
    http://www.thisoffscriptlife.com

  10. August 4, 2015 / 2:30 pm

    Australia is all about the two sheets as well. Not sure it’s only the Brits who forgo the top sheet, I think I’ve experienced this in some hotels in other European countries as well. They’re all mad!

  11. August 5, 2015 / 6:36 am

    No way! I am totally with you on this one: two sheets! Fitted and flat! It’s the perfect combination for those nights when it’s hot then it’s cold!

  12. August 5, 2015 / 12:46 pm

    bhahaha that also shocked me when I came to Europe – I didn’t understand how I was supposed to sleep without a second sheet. It feels like the air gets more easily under the duvet!

  13. August 5, 2015 / 7:11 pm

    Seriously, when I first discovered the southern hemisphere two sheet rule, I felt like a new woman. It’s SO much better than the UK way! It just makes you feel like you’re properly tucked in. I miss it, a lot.

  14. August 7, 2015 / 12:41 pm

    Hahaha ohhh I remember being seriously confused when I first moved to the UK and couldn’t find a top sheet anywhere! I figured maybe they were all sold out, until I realised it just wasn’t a popular thing to do here.

    Absolutely on the top sheet team, who wants to deal with regularly washing their duvet cover… certainly not me!

    Emma

  15. August 8, 2015 / 8:38 pm

    Haha love this – I DO NOT understand the one sheet behaviour #twosheetsforlife

  16. August 12, 2015 / 12:04 pm

    Until this post I never understood what a flat sheet was for but now I think I’m converted! x

  17. Fiona Barrows
    August 17, 2015 / 2:55 pm

    FYI I’m as British as they come and I grew up having two sheets on my bed. Having said that when I lived in London and was lazy I had just the one. x

  18. October 2, 2015 / 4:04 pm

    This is awesome!! I get your two sheets point:)