The five stages of coming to terms with winter in London

 

Christmas decorations at Covent Garden

As I write this the temperature in London is -1°C. And I haven’t figured out how to use the heating in my flat.

Fuck.

I know, I know, I should Google it or ask my Dad. But lets be honest its far easier to just blog about winter instead right? This is my fourth winter in London and I go through the same stages every time. For all the newbies, here is what you will experience this winter.

Denial

The last few sunny days will fool you into thinking that House Stark was on crack and winter is not coming. I mean, winter in London can’t be that bad right? All those people talking about 3pm sunsets and seeing your breath inside were clearly noob weakling complainers who had never been slightly chilled before. Everyone must be lying, there is no way winter can last for four months, people can’t live without sunshine for that long. You have your merino from Glassons and you remember to carry an umbrella 80% of the time, it will be fine.

Anger

WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO WORK ITS TOO COLD AND WHY  IS THIS STUPID FLAT NOT INSULATED. I hate anyone and everyone for suggesting that I should move to London, I could be on a beach right now. My ancestors traveled half way across the world to escape this icy hell pit and I defied them all by going back. WHY CAN THE QUEEN NOT STOP THIS COLD. And why do I keep crying at TV adverts DAMN YOU JOHN LEWIS.

Bargaining

Please Santa can you bring me a one way ticket to somewhere sunny, anywhere as long as the temperature is above freezing. I will be really good and never complain about it being too hot in summer ever again. Or how about if I donate to a Christmas appeal, can you just make it not rain? Wind and cold is fine I just can’t take the rain.

Depression

I will literally never be warm again, and I am a million miles away from my family for Christmas and I can’t even afford to buy things to make me happy. I am getting three hours of sunshine a day, and for those hours I am at work so I can just look out the window at the lighter shade of grey. Why did I move over here anyway?

Acceptance

Ooo think of all the things we get to play with for a couple of months; Christmas Jumpers, mulled wine, maybe seeing snowflakes, Christmas markets, acting out Love Actually scenes, being able to eat all the food because its cold, hot guys in coats, Christmas carols actually making sense for the first time because its not summer, wearing sequins to Christmas parties, orphans Christmas, pub fires, Christmas care packages that you open early, friends, hugs to stay warm, Christmas.

Stay cool kids.

xx

9 Comments

  1. Emma
    November 23, 2015 / 4:58 pm

    Heading into my first winter in London, this made me laugh out loud. Another excellent post 🙂

  2. November 23, 2015 / 7:07 pm

    It’s so great in December with all of the chilly weather and Christmas decorations! I guess I’m partial to it though since I’m in Florida and don’t get much of the cold weather lol

  3. Rebekah
    November 23, 2015 / 9:22 pm

    Just moved here a few months ago from NZ and will be my first White Christmas (fingers crossed) except not loving the weather so much but hey will be worth the experience.
    Loving the blogs of what life is all about here in London. Great tips!

  4. Wiki
    November 26, 2015 / 9:31 pm

    This actually made me laugh! Been here a few months now from NZ and I have already been thinking of a few of these things! I have to remind myself of this great experience while my friends send me pictures of them sunbathing and drinking wine outside. We had snow last weekend, I replied with pictures of snow falling in our tiny road. It’s definitely not something you see at home in November x

  5. Beth
    November 26, 2015 / 9:42 pm

    As I was reading this, I was thinking, I bet she’s from Auckland. I was thinking this because winters in Dunedin are exactly like winters in London, except there’s no wonderful Christmas element.

  6. November 26, 2015 / 10:06 pm

    Love it. This made me laugh out loud. After almost five years in the UK I know exactly what you mean. It got so much for me that one year my poor long-suffering Englishman bought charcoal on Christmas Eve (in a blizzard) and we had prawns and Beer can Chicken on the BBQ for Christmas Day. Stay warm this year Rebecca, and whatever you do do NOT listen to Tim Minchin’s Chardonnay in the Sun song, it will make you howl.

  7. November 26, 2015 / 10:22 pm

    Great post and so true, this will be my 9th uk winter and I STILL go through all these stages every time! Being based outside of London with no other kiwis in sight, it’s nice to read your blog and experiences.

  8. December 2, 2015 / 2:15 pm

    Haha, this made me laugh. Even though I was born in the UK, I still cannot accept Winter. Every year I say to my husband “I can never remember being as sad about Winter as I am this year”, to which he just replies: “You said exactly the same thing last year”. Stay warm!

  9. March 8, 2016 / 3:24 pm

    Having grown up here, I love your perspective 🙂

    Thanks,
    Brian.