Why yes it is raining outside right now, and yes it is the middle of July. But don’t you dare start thinking this is a bad thing, it is in fact the best possible thing that could happen. A shitty English summer holds its own magic, its own allure, and that grey bitch should be respected. To help you understand the uniquely amazing position you are in, I present my defence of a really shitty English Summer.
Grey clouds covering the sky and rain every day before lunch is just England living up to its stereotype. Why on earth are you being a hater when the weather gods are doing exactly what we all thought they would? The sad skies will give you endless hours of conversation when Skyping your parents back home, and is the only topic that can distract everyone at work from the horrors of #BREXIT. Spend your days loudly commiserating the terrible weather with everyone you know, but give the rain a friendly nod when no one is looking – the weather is doing exactly what is needed right now.
This crappy weather also gives you the chance to experiment with fashion like never before. Only those who have lived through an English summer will know the unbridled joy of wearing short shorts under a winter coat. Yes everyone looks slightly like a flasher, but the rich lining of the winter coat brushing against your freshly shaven legs is pleasure that only a summer can give. And for anyone who has been cultivating a bead over the last six months (mine didn’t grow out as much as I wanted it to) you get to enjoy the ‘Lumberjack in the summer’ look without suffering through face sweat. There really is no downside to this rain.
When the holiday that you booked a lifetime ago finally comes around you will appreciate it like never before. Imagine how terrible it would have been if London had been having a beautiful summer, and then you went to Italy for more beautiful summer; you would have paid all that money just to swap fish and chips for pizza. But with the crappy English summer that trip begins to look like the Holy Grail, you will run out of the airport with such excitement just to feel that warm stuff in the sky basking down upon you. And of course once your holiday is over you don’t have to worry about your sunburn getting further aggravated in the UK, because the cooling air of a shitty summer will protect you. See, the weather is just thinking about your happiness.
Let’s not forget the summer drinking culture. Crowded into a city pub, drinking shoulder to shoulder; as soon as the sun peeks from behind the clouds like a surging tide the drinkers will rush out onto the pavement. Then as the rain comes back the tide of drinkers will retreat inside again. Just going for a few drinks can help you walk the recommended 10,000 steps and I in fact consider it a summer drinking sport because of this.
And last but not least, the shitty summer makes you AS glad to not go to a music festival as to go. All year you regretted missing out on those Glastonbury tickets, it is the event of the year and all your friends would be talking about it for months. Joke is on them, buried in mud up to their elbows and half drowning every time they opened their mouths to sing along the crappy summer has once again come to your aid. Ahhh the pleasure of posting a photo on Instagram of you warm in a cafe, knowing your music festival friends will like it with regret and longing.
Oh English summer, there is no way we can thank you for being so shitty. Your grey skies and drizzle make our hearts full of joy and our London lives infinitely better. Never change.