I have an amazing group of kiwi and token kiwi (Jess I’m looking at you) girls in London. Now this being London the chance of spontaneously catching up is almost nonexistent, so Emma planning after work drinks a month out was just the ticket. I knew the evening would bring a lot if laughs, what I couldn’t predict however was that the laughs would all be Tinder based.
We met at 21 in Covent Garden, brilliantly central so rather shockingly we all made it on time. Unbeknownst to us when you book a table you each get a free glass of prosecco, that’s where the magic of Tinder stepped in. Of the four of us, one was married, one in a long term relationship, one too sensible to have Tinder and then there was me. I had downloaded the app but never used it.
After the aforementioned proscecco and a couple of Latin Lover cocktails I relinquished all control of my phone to the giggling nutters sitting at my table. As I gazed over the packed Covent Garden the girls got busy choosing my future husband.
Some men were rejected based on photo alone, any ‘dude’ with a full body naked mirror shot was an automatic disqualification. Likewise any chap who was ‘dtf’ got first ridiculed and then eliminated. Then every so often there was the above type of beauty (identity has been obscured) who had us questioning the very nature of the modern man & how much of a pain it would be to set up a man hating commune.
Boys of Tinder here are some simple rules to avoid being laughed at by tipsy kiwi harpies:
1. Only go on Tinder if you are single (see above), or are there to pick out the mate of a single friend.
2. Use a picture where your face can actually be seen & you don’t look like a man-rainbow.
5. Don’t be a dick