It all started off perfectly normal. Terrified of flying me needed a distraction during the flight from London to LA. Nothing action adventure that would make me think the plane is crashing, nothing too soppy that would bring on the tears; Gilmore Girls seemed like the perfect solution.
But things got weird. Very weird.
First episode was fine, Rory got into Chilton and the endless jibber jabber was blocking out the pressurised cabin noise. I managed to balance two vodkas, a packet of sour cream and chive pretzels and a laptop on the tiny try table and all was right with the world.
With two episodes under my belt I was patting myself on the back for devising the best flying coping mechanism that man had ever gazed upon. But then the hot drink service happened, and I ordered “coffee, coffee, coffee”. I got three coffees.
I am a coffee machine, I can handle this. The Gilmore Girls is not going to lead me astray.
Then the man in seat behind me kicked my seat. Ok he might not have kicked my seat like a truculent toddler, the grey haired business professional might just have been putting the tray table away but that was not enough to stop me making a quip about the Britney umbrella incident circa 2007. Because what social situation can’t be improved by an out of date pop-culture reference.
Somewhere over the Atlantic and I think the Jess-lookalike-steward from business class is making eyes at me. I try to fashion a bandana out of my blanket because after six episodes all my style choices are decided by Lorelai. The steward catches me staring and sends the economy steward over to ask if I am OK. I panic and ask for more coffee.
Episode eight and my god I want a pop tart I have never had a pop tart. What is a pop tart? They look like cardboard. Are pop tarts cardboard?
Episode nine and I am regretting that I never had that teenage pregnancy that would allow me to live out my Gilmore Girl fantasy. First my mother had the audacity to not be a teenage disappointment, and then I had to take the same sad ‘continued education and life overseas’ path. Just imagine how much coffee I would be able to mainline now if I had tried harder when I was 16?
Around Episode 11 I recognised that I had a problem. The woman in the seat next to me put earplugs in because I was talking Paris Geller speed at her about how weird it was that we might be flying over Stars Hollow right now (we weren’t) and I was watching Gilmore Girls and wasn’t that just perfect.
I don’t know if it was the back to back episodes, the vodkas or trying to match Rory coffee for coffee but I have a problem. Send help.