I have written before about some of the unique challenges of London, perhaps most importantly how I want to stab people every time they say ‘tired of London, tired of life’. Well good old fuckety fuck now with no added sugar, I’m bored of London. We had summer for a week, and now the weather is so unpredictable that my hair is being used as a weather broadcaster by the BBC. Seriously it’s no laughing matter, my hair got so big today that it filled my office and suffocated three people.
So when your hair is big, it’s raining outside, you are broke and life is as boring as that three hour Russian movie filmed in a continuous shot with no talking there is only one thing to do… Make life less boring.
Go to an art gallery and stare intently at a fire extinguisher, then when someone comes and stands next to you say “this art really speaks to me on an emotional level”. Or if you are more into street art find an unattended bus shelter and stand there wearing a suit. Then when the public approaches shoo them away and say they must keep at least one meter away from the art.
Wait that bus thing is outside, not good for the hair issues.
Oh ok how about this. Choose some friends who have been really annoying you lately (we all have them shutupyourjudgingfaceyousilly) and then spend a day (INSIDE) on the internet finding their old MySpace profiles. Then slowly over a matter of weeks release one embarrassing teenage screenshot of a MySpace post to them at a time, don’t stop until they meet your demands. Oh shit I should have said that when you are choosing your friend you need to pick demands from them. Using these tactics I currently have JT doing my laundry, Emma brings me gin on demand and Kelly takes me with her whenever she goes on holiday. Thanks MySpace.
For this next boredom buster you need some friends and an Oyster card; it’s time to play inconvenience bingo! Split into two teams and decide on a destination (preferably a pub on the other side of the river because booze=yay). You then have to get there while ticking off as many squares on the card as possible. The team with the most squares wins.
And while we are on London public transport based team sports, ‘Don’t Bank On It’ is a firm favourite with all the kids. Each competitor starts at a different Bank Station entrance, then the challenge is on to take a selfie on the platform of each line that goes through the station. First person with all the pictures and back above ground wins.
Or the ultimate London boredom buster: dog on the tube.
This post is part of the Groupon #