I have done some completely stupid things recently. Sadly neither of the stories I am about to recount are due to alcohol, at best I might have had one too many coffees. The really scary thing? Dumb things come in threes, so watch out world.
Dumb thing numero ono was this one runawaykiwi trying to do a two man job. I moved into a new flat about a month ago and my room came with a fucking huge wardrobe, a wardrobe that had been put in the exact wrong place in the room. All I had to do was move the offending wardrobe 2.5m to the other wall and then my feng shui dream would be complete. My flatmate was away, and I didn’t want to bug any of my friends (and FEMINISM!) so I thought – I will do this myself. I should not have done it myself.
I knew I had made a dumb call at the point where I had managed to inch the wardrobe over the span of 30min to just in front of my door. Yeap, I trapped myself in my room. My phone was in the living room, my flatmate would not be back for two weeks and there was a real risk of my face being eaten by an urban fox; so I did what any strong independent woman would do in that situation…burst into tears. I was facing the very real possibility of death and starvation so I ginned up (you mean you don’t have gin in your room?) and over the course of the next TWO HOURS with visions of the wardrobe falling and crushing me like a bug I moved the wardrobe by brute force a centimeter at a time. Finally in its rightful place I have learned two valuable things:
- Always keep gin in your room because you never know when you might need it
- Never think you can do a two man job by yourself just because ‘you believe you can’ AKA the ‘fuck you Disney’ rule.
With dumb thing number two I didn’t actually find out about my stupidity until about a week after the fact. Back story is that I am slightly obsessed with a website called The Calm Gallery that does beautiful prints, and when I moved into my new flat I wanted to treat myself. I spent hours hunched over my phone (had to wait A MONTH for wifi to get set up so was reduced to phone browsing) looking at the different prints and trying to decide if I could afford one right now. And when I say hours, I do mean hours. I kept coming back to this ‘adored’ print again and again, I was in love.
I thought I had decided to wait for next pay day before I got the print, but that Wednesday the print turned up at work. I just assumed I must have ordered it, I mean I was looking at it late at night so weirder things have happened. I put it on my wall and have loved waking up to it every day.
Not dumb so far? Well, finally the internet situation got fixed and I skyped my sister. We had a lot to catch up on, and she started by asking if I had got the present she sent me. I replied no there must be a Royal Mail delay. We had a catch up and then I told her the wardrobe story (much laughter) and then showed her where I had put things in my room, and how I got this ‘You are Adored’ print. Her face dropped and she said ‘oh shit’, she had ordered one for me as the aforementioned present.
After assuring her that I’m sure I could return the double up or something the penny dropped. Yeah, I hadn’t ordered it at all. My amazing sister had ordered the perfect print, the print that I had spent hours looking at, the print I had given myself all the credit for having bought.
Ugh, I think I need to up my coffee intake.