As I write this the temperature in London is -1°C. And I haven’t figured out how to use the heating in my flat.
I know, I know, I should Google it or ask my Dad. But lets be honest its far easier to just blog about winter instead right? This is my fourth winter in London and I go through the same stages every time. For all the newbies, here is what you will experience this winter.
The last few sunny days will fool you into thinking that House Stark was on crack and winter is not coming. I mean, winter in London can’t be that bad right? All those people talking about 3pm sunsets and seeing your breath inside were clearly noob weakling complainers who had never been slightly chilled before. Everyone must be lying, there is no way winter can last for four months, people can’t live without sunshine for that long. You have your merino from Glassons and you remember to carry an umbrella 80% of the time, it will be fine.
WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO WORK ITS TOO COLD AND WHY IS THIS STUPID FLAT NOT INSULATED. I hate anyone and everyone for suggesting that I should move to London, I could be on a beach right now. My ancestors traveled half way across the world to escape this icy hell pit and I defied them all by going back. WHY CAN THE QUEEN NOT STOP THIS COLD. And why do I keep crying at TV adverts DAMN YOU JOHN LEWIS.
Please Santa can you bring me a one way ticket to somewhere sunny, anywhere as long as the temperature is above freezing. I will be really good and never complain about it being too hot in summer ever again. Or how about if I donate to a Christmas appeal, can you just make it not rain? Wind and cold is fine I just can’t take the rain.
I will literally never be warm again, and I am a million miles away from my family for Christmas and I can’t even afford to buy things to make me happy. I am getting three hours of sunshine a day, and for those hours I am at work so I can just look out the window at the lighter shade of grey. Why did I move over here anyway?
Ooo think of all the things we get to play with for a couple of months; Christmas Jumpers, mulled wine, maybe seeing snowflakes, Christmas markets, acting out Love Actually scenes, being able to eat all the food because its cold, hot guys in coats, Christmas carols actually making sense for the first time because its not summer, wearing sequins to Christmas parties, orphans Christmas, pub fires, Christmas care packages that you open early, friends, hugs to stay warm, Christmas.
Stay cool kids.