Those fucking Clear Blue adverts

Fuck you clear blue on a lovey sea background
If you are a female in the UK between the ages of 25 and 35 you will know exactly what I am talking about. For anyone outside that demographic let me explain; the only advertising offered up to us on YouTube is for Clear Blue pregnancy tests. Literally the only advertising.

Want to watch a music video? First let’s talk about ovulation. Want to have a giggle at the latest Carpool Karaoke? First let’s watch this poorly dubbed woman get excited about being two weeks pregnant despite not having confirmed with a doctor. Want watch Jamie Oliver peel a mango? First sit back and watch babies gurgle through the drool for two minutes.

These ads would be less of an issue if they only appeared once every so often, an occasional slice of Clear Blue in a field of bright adverts. But since they appear to be the only advertiser that YouTube has for my age and sex it makes them entirely unbearable for pretty much everyone who is forced to watch.

If you are trying for a baby and not conceiving (or going through a miscarriage) it must be heart-breaking to have this shoved in your face when all you wanted was the light relief of a cat playing the piano. For anyone who is already pregnant the ads are buying a fish a bicycle levels of redundant. Any watchers that are slightly regretting that night a few weeks ago with the guy from Tinder; they are more likely to make an embarrassed Boots snatch and grab rather than a well-researched decision. And for anyone actively trying to get pregnant, I don’t think seeing the YouTube ad before the video of Justin Beiber in a fist fight is going to really influence their decision.

And for me, representing the remainder of the female population who can barely remember to keep tonic in the fridge let alone plan on looking after another human being, the ads are just poorly dubbed, repetitive pieces of shit that make it seem like having a baby is the only goal in life.

If you are sitting their thinking I’m overreacting a little, count up all the times you watch YouTube clips in a week. Now imaging someone yelling “OMG DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN PEE ON A STICK AND ITS VAGUELY ACCURATE” before each one. I probably see it more than twenty times a week. And it is enough to make me close the window every time. And close the window is not a euphemism.

And for the cynical wankpuffins’ that are curling their top lips thinking ‘this little girl doesn’t know that the adverts are based on search history’ … Go up to any female aged 25-35 in the UK and say the words ‘Clear Blue + YouTube’. They will respond with a flash of rage in their eyes so intense you could roast marshmallows.

Fuck you YouTube and fuck you Clear Blue. Find me some different advertising before I want to get sterilised just to make the advertising stop.

36 thoughts on “Those fucking Clear Blue adverts

  1. I’m 23 and I also experience this!! I never thought about it until now but you’re right, it’s the only ad I see on YouTube ????

  2. Can confirm it happens for 23yo females too. SO true though. Fuck you, plastic pee stick, and let me watch my videos of puppies in peace.

  3. Oh my god yes – they’re the only bloody ones I seem to get before anything on YouTube. They’re so hideous and make me cringe – especially the 2weeks one. Urgh.

    I have certainly not been searching the internet for pregnancy tests and babies, in fact my search history is bit more like “best burgers in London” or “how to wear a maxi skirt”, not so much of the babies. Unless babies like burgers and maxi skirts….

  4. OMFG!! Seriously they can fuck right off!! I put my phone face down during these as my own little fuck you to clear blue!!!

  5. I think the really annoying part of it for me is how much I know about trying to have a baby and that 2 weeks ad isn’t even accurate. Like, you’re “2 weeks pregnant” on the day you conceive, not when you find out, because Drs date your pregnancy from the date of your period and assume everyone has a 28 day cycle (and if you tell them you know your conception date they ignore you until the scan proves you right). That woman will actually be finding out at 4 weeks and the indicator will say 2 because it’s telling you how many weeks since ovulation.

    Sorry I know too much and it drives me bananas. And yes, I find these ads quite painful, being at the start of infertility treatments.

  6. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. All of this! Drives me to bloody distraction – although also was not a fan of the unskippable ad for The Conjuring 2 that I was treated to last week. That was a whole lot of nope on a completely different level! x

  7. OMFG THIS. Every. Single. Video. The worst is when they’re not skippable. I was so worried it was just me, I was all like ‘Wait what? But I haven’t googled anything about babies or pregnancy? Why am I seeing these?’ The fact they’re served to any woman in that age range just makes it so much worse, like is that all we’re good for? Clearly YouTube no longer thinks we’re worth the awesome film trailer ads they serve (I miss these so, so much).

    C x

  8. OMG THIS HAPPENS TO ME IN AUSTRIA TOOOOO! It drives me absolutely bonkers! It’s enough that all my friends are getting pregnant to terrify me, then I go to chill with some John Oliver shenanigans and BOOM ‘thinking about producing spawn’ in your face. OR when I use Youtube in the mornings to excercise, like dude I’m barely awak and most definitely NOT THINKING ABOUT BEING PREGNANT RIGHT NOW. Hate. Haaaaaaate. Thank you for sharing my rage fit.

  9. Or the one with Jessica Ennis advertising nappies! That and the clear blue one over and over again! I’m gonna throw a wild guess out there and say it will be a cold day in hell before a male gold-medal winning olympic athlete advertises nappies.

  10. I don’t even want a baby, so my searches aren’t coming back with that! I just don’t get it, surely youtube would have a lot of advertisers up their sleeve, I’m never going to be buying a clear blue stick, sooooooo show me something useful? I’m actually a weird one who likes adverts!

  11. I’m in prime early 30s zone and I don’t see them. I remember setting my Google preferences to not give me targeted ads so that might have something to do with it. Thanks for making the rubbish ads I do see seem a lot better!

  12. Same age group, seeing the same damn ad all.the.time. It drives me bloody insane. I DON’T want a baby (/child). Don’t get me wrong: I”m sure they’re lovely. But I deliberately avoid having a baby since I know I don’t have the patience and calm, sacrificing nature to take care of a child and not get annoyed if they are very loud or attracting attention all the time. To then this way still be forced to listen to this noise through my headphones all the time when I’m trying to listen to some music: it’s unbelievable. It must be the first time I Googled something like “hate (Clear Blue) advertisement” to see if more people are getting annoyed. Since this ad by now is really starting to work on my nerves. Perhaps we can send a mutual letter to ClearBlue to stop making the annoying advertisements or bother someone else with it. Not everyone longs to hear a ‘dadadadaaaaagooggaaa blaaoorla’-ing baby through their headphones when they’re trying to work.

  13. deliberately = intentionally, damn sorry, guess I’m so annoyed by this ad I can’t even think properly anymore

  14. There are Reddit threads about this too. In one of these threads someone advised to report the Youtube Channel of Clearblue. You can do that over here: https://www.youtube.com/user/clearblue/about
    You can do so by clicking on the flag, to then report them for mass advertising, clicking among others on repetitive advertising. Please all do so.
    I didn’t link any video, I just mentioned the repetitive mass advertising that is bordering on straight harassment. Perhaps this incredibly annoying ClearBlue advertisement will disappear – I guess there is not too much chance that the mass advertising from this company on Youtube will stop, but at least it’s worth a try.

  15. Oh my gosh! I thought it was just me. Its so freaking annoying! Is that really our only goal in life? Oh you’re a woman between these ages I guess you must want a baby.

    I want car adverts, Disney adverts, tool adverts. If google really was looking at my “search history” like they claim to be these are the things I search for!! Not dribbling, pooing small humans!

    Good blog. I think I’ll follow

  16. I’ve been googling ‘Clear Blue ads annoying’ for months and so glad I finally found someone else getting angry.
    This is indeed supreme bollocks of the highest order, for all of the quite serious reasons you listed, and I will add one more: On too many occasions it has popped up when someone I wouldn’t want to know certain things about my personal life has been present.
    E.g. I work in an office where YouTube is used as a tool in my job (like lots of offices now) and it popped up when I was with a manager doing training (we all know small business owners love a female child-rearing age employee).
    E.g. It popped up when my boyfriend (who has an understanding with me about us waiting before committing) was present and forced me to insist that I am NOT looking to tie him down outside his will for ever and ever by some sneaky womanly subterfuge.
    E.g. It even popped up when I was showing my parents a video of something. It looks to an outsider like it’s based on your searches or something. It sodding well isn’t! Why should some stupid company keep getting to cause substantial embarrassment to me like that?
    I managed to get them turned off on my account, then when I signed out of YouTube, it started happening again, but this time there’s no option to turn them off. And on Facebook/Spotify too.
    I’m 30, and I don’t worry day and night about my ticking body clock, but sometimes I do and it feels like they’re trying to say I should… I have just reported them to YouTube as someone else suggested anyway. (Sorry for the essay)

  17. In Belgium it is exactly the same! Let me tell you that if and when I need a pregnancy test, I will make sure it is NOT a clearblue one that I will buy. Thanks for publishing this!

  18. So glad other women are annoyed by these commercials! Same age group, same annoying commericals. Why the heck do I want to hear people screaming about pregnancy on my TV – on suddenly loud volume because the Ads have to be louder for some reason. The clear pressure on women to have babies is just so frustrating Clearblue – quit it!

  19. On a shallower note…you know the one that starts with the baby “singing” that melody? That’s the one that makes me want to tear my ovaries out with my bare hands.

  20. Yes! I found this article because I was googling how to stop these fucking ads! I am so pissed off with this shit.

  21. Thank you for this. I recently moved to the UK and these ads are infuriating. It’s not even the stupid drooling babies (which I clearly don’t appreciate much), but the backwards, disgusting assumption that because I have 2 sex chromosomes that look the same, my only goal in life should be carrying over my genes to the next generation.

  22. Exactly my thoughts!! It’s truly heartbreaking for someone who can’t have kids, I actually cannot watch/listen to it and have to either close the window or turn the volume off immediately. However since the first couple of seconds yell “I’M PREGNANT” at you, the damage will already have been done. Thanks Clear Blue and Youtube, for reducing me to tears every time your advert is shoved in my face!

  23. it makes me angry. i am 24 and was so close to try and reach out somewhere, at times it really pushes mu buttons. I am a female and I can’t see myself getting pregnant, I am not really made to be a mum and children is not my forte unfortunately. and i believe that there is more to female life than babies. so fuck you clear blue.

    I believe the ads are insensitive not even if someone’s trying to get pregnant, but in my case too.

    I would like all females unite on this one. I knew it’s gonna be a thing and I was not only one with opinions on this!!

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