My list of blog posts that I need to write has now topped 100. This stupidly high number isn’t because I don’t post enough (who the fuck thought I would still be slogging it out two times a week 672 posts later) but rather because I drink too much coffee and get overexcited. In caffeine driven seconds of inspiration I scribble notes into my phone which totally make sense at the time – but if I am ever arrested they will look a little ‘beautiful mind’. Anyway, because I am a semi-functioning millennial I of course am going to procrastinate on my list of posts that I should be writing and instead give you 18 reasons I have rewarded myself recently.
Adulting is tough. Seriously if there is a god he is playing a fairly fucked up game of SIMS (this morning I got stuck in a dress and while panicking in the armhole I walked into a wall). And to make matters worse, star charts apparently stop when you reach double digits. So in lieu of parent/teacher awarded stickers I have created my own reward and recognition scheme, where the reward is almost always gin.
Because you might be mildly interested (and after making it this far in the post so you deserve some pay off) here are 18 reasons I have rewarded myself for adulting. Aka 18 reasons I drank gin recently.
- I didn’t punch someone who was acting like a twatwaffle
- The place I picked to stand on the tube carriage was exactly where the doors opened AND was the only carriage with seats
- I actually ate my five a day two days in a row
- I remembered my online banking password before it locked me out for trying too many times
- I managed to make something resembling a cake from only three ingredients
- I recognised that I needed some chill time before I had a meltdown
- I told my flatmate I was moving out in a totally relaxed and positive manner while inwardly screaming from the awkwardness
- I said excuse me to a pigeon (being polite is important)
- I got ready in 45 minutes including a full manicure
- I was congratulated on my chopstick usage while in Shanghai (those 90’s hairstyles really paid off)
- I remembered that Sweden and Switzerland are different countries before I said something stupid
- I didn’t buy novelty camembert themed dinner plates for my new flat
- I caught the email where I had written ‘Kind retards’ instead of ‘Kind regards’ before I sent it
- I read two books, topping last years high score of one book
- I didn’t freak out when I rolled over in bed and thought a loose curl that landed on my face was actually a spider
- I ate an entire packet of cookies in one sitting
- I finally figured out how to do liquid eyeliner
- I remembered to text my parents and tell them how much I loved them